Selling Schlock: Watch the Trailers for Familiar Thrillers “2:22” and “Inconceivable” (Video)

I just watched two really bad trailers in a row, one for the Michiel Huisman-Teresa Palmer thriller 2:22 and one for the Nicolas Cage-Gina Gershon thriller , and I just had to share them with you, so you can make up your own minds. Because even though neither movie looks any good to me, I’m definitely going to see one of them, and skip the other.

Let’s talk about 2:22 first. I’m not a Game of Thrones fan, so I’m not familiar with Michiel Huisman’s turn as Daario Naharis on the show, but I really liked him in The Invitation. He’s certainly an actor to keep an eye on, but I’m not sure he’s the sort of star (yet) who’d rope me into seeing a B-movie like this.

And believe me, I have nothing against B-movies. I’ll plunk down $4.99 to watch Armie Hammer in Mine (which was terrible — and by the way, Hammer was originally going to star in 2:22), but Huisman still has a ways to go to secure my investment, and as much as I love Teresa Palmer, there’s not a chance she’s going to convince me to see this film.

Huisman plays New York City air traffic controller Dylan Branson, who is blinded by a flash of light one day at 2:22 p.m. that leaves him paralyzed for a few crucial seconds as two passenger planes barely avoid a midair collision. Suspended from his job, Dylan begins to notice the increasingly ominous repetition of sounds and events in his life that happen at exactly the same time everyday. An underlying pattern builds, mysteriously drawing him into Grand Central Station everyday at 2:22 p.m. As he’s drawn into a complex relationship with a beautiful woman (Palmer) that is further complicated by her ex-boyfriend (Sam Reid), Dylan must break the power of the past, and take control of time itself.

I mean, what the hell is that? “He can see the patterns!” So what? I saw The Number 23 with Jim Carrey, and there’s no way I’m sitting through another movie like that. If you want to watch an indie movie about an air traffic controller, rent Aftermath with Scoot McNairy and Arnold Schwarzenegger.

Which brings us to Inconceivable, one of the many Nicolas Cage movies with one-word titles that you had no idea even existed.

This time around, Cage (receiving third billing behind Faye “La La Land” Dunaway!) and Gina Gershon play parents who hire Aussie model Nicky Whelan as a part-time nanny, though what she really wants is to be the couple’s surrogate. Would it surprise you to learn that she has a screw lose and sees the Cage-Gershon family as her own?

We’ve seen this movie dozens of times (The Hand That Rocks the Cradle, anyone?) and yet, as generic and mediocre as Inconceivable looks, I will totally rent it on a lazy Sunday afternoon with my roommate.

In the vast world of B-movies that are made for VOD and its undiscerning audiences, there are time-killers and time-wasters. Inconceivable looks like a cheesy way to kill 90 minutes, whereas 2:22 looks like a ridiculous waste of time. If only it starred Nicolas Cage…

Jonathan Baker directed Inconceivable, which Lionsgate Premiere will release on June 30 — the same day that Magnet Releasing unveils Paul Currie’s 2:22 in theaters and on VOD, iTunes and Amazon Video. God help us all.

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Still quiet here.sas

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