Awards season means two things — Oscars nominations for most of the fall films, and Razzie nominations for most of the summer movies. Sure enough, the nominees for the 37th Annual Golden Raspberry Awards were announced Monday, and it’s a doozy of a lineup, folks!
For starters, there were so many bad movies this year that the Razzies expanded the number of nominees from five to six in each of its nine categories. And keep in mind, cinematic atrocities such as Jason Bourne and Star Trek Beyond weren’t even mentioned!
Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice and Zoolander No. 2 led the nominees, and the “winners” will be announced on Feb. 25, one day before the Academy Awards. In the meantime, The Tracking Board has already weighed in to help real voters make their picks, so read ’em and weep below.
The Tracking Board’s Vote: Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice
Everyone here at the Tracking Board thought this movie was terrible. Sure, Ben Affleck made for a good Batman, and it was cool to see Gal Gadot as Wonder Woman, but this comic book movie was an utter trainwreck. There’s no excuse for a superhero movie to be this boring.
Dinesh D’Souza and Bruce Schooley, HILLARY’S AMERICA: THE SECRET HISTORY OF THE DEMOCRATIC PARTY
Roland Emmerich, INDEPENDENCE DAY: RESURGENCE
Tyler Perry, BOO! A MADEA HALLOWEEN
Alex Proyas, GODS OF EGYPT
Zack Snyder, BATMAN V SUPERMAN: DAWN OF JUSTICE
Ben Stiller, ZOOLANDER NO. 2
The Tracking Board’s Vote: Roland Emmerich, Independence Day: Resurgence
As deserving as Zack Snyder is, we decided BvS and the Independence Day sequel had to split the top two votes, as we couldn’t let Emmerich off the hook so easy. After all, he had 20 years to get this long-delayed sequel right, and Resurgence was the best he could come up with. Yikes!
Ben Affleck, BATMAN V SUPERMAN: DAWN OF JUSTICE
Gerard Butler, GODS OF EGYPT & LONDON HAS FALLEN
Henry Cavill, BATMAN V SUPERMAN: DAWN OF JUSTICE
Robert De Niro, DIRTY GRANDPA
Dinesh D’Souza [as Himself], HILLARY’S AMERICA: THE SECRET HISTORY OF THE DEMOCRATIC PARTY
Ben Stiller, ZOOLANDER NO. 2
The Tracking Board’s Vote: Robert De Niro, Dirty Grandpa
Yes, Henry Cavill was rather bland as Superman in Dawn of Justice, but you generally know what you’re getting with the British hunk. Meanwhile, Dirty Grandpa marked a career low for Robert De Niro — yes, even lower than The Adventures of Rocky and Bullwinkle. Watching De Niro hook up with Aubrey Plaza, you’d never guess he was the premiere actor of the 1970s. It’s simply a shame how far he allowed himself to sink with this pathetic excuse for a comedy.
Megan Fox, TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES: OUT OF THE SHADOWS
Tyler Perry, BOO! A MADEA HALLOWEEN
Julia Roberts, MOTHER’S DAY
Becky Turner [as Hillary Clinton], HILLARY’S AMERICA: THE SECRET HISTORY OF THE DEMOCRATIC PARTY
Naomi Watts, THE DIVERGENT SERIES: ALLEGIANT & SHUT IN
Shailene Woodley, THE DIVERGENT SERIES: ALLEGIANT
The Tracking Board’s Vote: Becky Turner, Hillary’s America: The Secret History of the Democratic Party
I’m not going to lie, no one at the Tracking Board saw this movie, but its director is a conservative author and commentator who also directed 2016: Obama’s America, which criticized the incumbent president. We don’t begrudge an actress for taking a job, because we all have to eat, but did Turner have to sign on to play Hillary Clinton in a “documentary” that essentially functions as a dangerous piece of political propaganda? Poor form! We don’t even care that Megan Fox can’t act or that Julia Roberts keeps making bad holiday movies with the late Garry Marshall. If you helped Donald Trump get elected, the least you deserve is a Razzie.
Worst Supporting Actress
The Tracking Board’s Vote: Sela Ward, Independence Day: Resurgence
We didn’t have strong feelings either way about this category, but it’s impossible to ignore the presidential downgrade from Bill Pullman to Sela Ward in the Independence Day franchise. Ward felt woefully out of place in this bid-budget sequel, and failed to deliver the kind of iconic speech responsible for the original film’s enduring legacy. You can blame the script if you want and argue that performers are only as good as their lines, but she has to shoulder some responsibility for failing to rise to the occasion.
Worst Supporting Actor
Nicolas Cage, SNOWDEN
Johnny Depp, ALICE THROUGH THE LOOKING GLASS
Will Ferrell, ZOOLANDER NO. 2
Jesse Eisenberg, BATMAN V SUPERMAN: DAWN OF JUSTICE
Jared Leto, SUICIDE SQUAD
Owen Wilson, ZOOLANDER NO. 2
The Tracking Board’s Vote: Jared Leto, Suicide Squad
Expectations are everything. We didn’t expect much from Depp or his Alice in Wonderland sequel, given that the first film was an unwatchable eyesore. But we had high hopes for Leto, especially after Warner Bros. made the Joker the center of its marketing campaign for Suicide Squad. Alas, Leto was only in the movie for 10 minutes, and he failed to make much of an impression, let alone make us forget about Heath Ledger. Plus we had to endure a year of articles about Leto torturing his co-stars with used condoms and the like, and that, for us, is truly unforgivable.
Worst Screen Combo
Ben Affleck & His BFF (Baddest Foe Forever) Henry Cavill, BATMAN V SUPERMAN: DAWN OF JUSTICE
Any 2 Egyptian Gods or Mortals, GODS OF EGYPT
Johnny Depp & His Vomitously Vibrant Costume, ALICE THROUGH THE LOOKING GLASS
The Entire Cast of Once Respected Actors, COLLATERAL BEAUTY
Tyler Perry & That Same Old Worn Out Wig, BOO! A MADEA HALLOWEEN
Ben Stiller and His BFF (Barely Funny Friend) Owen Wilson, ZOOLANDER NO. 2
The Tracking Board’s Vote: The Entire Cast of Once Respected Actors, Collateral Beauty
I didn’t personally see this movie but our critic called it a “convoluted drama [that’s] so pandering and sure of itself that it makes you cringe with anger.” I’m gonna have to take his word (and the rest of the internet’s) for it. Will Smith, Edward Norton, Kate Winslet, Helen Mirren, Naomie Harris, Michael Pena and Keira Knightley have all delivered extraordinary performances over the course of their careers, but you can’t hit a home run every time at bat, and by all accounts, this film was an epic misfire. That’s right, the Zoolander boys are safe this time around.
The Tracking Board’s Vote: Suicide Squad
Writer-director David Ayer recently confessed he has some regrets about Suicide Squad. It takes a big man to admit when he’s wrong, so props to Ayer for taking responsibility, but his paper-thin screenplay still earns our vote. “Wish I had a time machine. I’d make the Joker the main villain and engineer a more grounded story. I have to take the good and bad and learn from it,” said Ayer, adding “I have to give the characters the stories and plots they deserve next time.” Uh, yeah. I mean, the Enchantress? Come on, man!
Worst Prequel, Remake, Rip-Off or Sequel
The Tracking Board’s Vote: Zoolander No. 2
I know, if we’re giving Worst Picture to Batman v Superman, why wouldn’t it win this award too? Well, again, Ben Stiller and Co. had 15 years to prep for Zoolander No. 2, and that lazy, laugh-free sequel was the best they could come up with. The film felt so slap-dash, we decided it absolutely has to win at least one Razzie. Let’s hope Stiller shows up to accept the award, just so he can flash ‘Blue Steel’ one last time.
Jeff Sneider | Editor in Chief