SCREAM QUEENS Review: “Blood Drive”

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Scream Queens

As much as I love slasher films and maintain an iron stomach through the exaggerated gruesomeness of the slayings on The Walking Dead, I’m totally squeamish about blood when it relates to health and medicine and from the initial opening scene when Chanel decides that the hospital needs a blood drive, I was out. But it does make sense that the hospital would be in need of blood as the Green Meanie has been on the rampage and draining people left and right.

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We learned from the first episode of season 2 that Chanel is a skilled phlebotomist and totally into showing off her skills. She’s even more into it when Nurse Hoeffel announces a contest for the person that collects the most blood—a hellish vacation on Blood Island. We also learn via voiceover why Nurse Hoeffel is so bent on destroying Chanel and the other Chanels—apparently Bean, the dumb maid that got her face burned off in the first season was her sister. So Hoeffel is playing a “long game” of revenge and doesn’t mind that there’s a serial killer on the loose to help her. And she keeps herself entertained by reporting to the cops that the Chanels are the serial killers.

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The whole blood drive factors into every storyline in the episode, which is clever, yet tedious. First up, Chanel wants Blood Island to be a romantic getaway with Dr. Brock. Dr. Brock insists that Chanel get tested for all 217 types of sexually transmitted diseases and infections. Of course, her sample comes back as positive for all of them because Dean Munsch is the one doing the testing and reporting and she’s jealous of Dr. Brock’s continued interested in young Chanel. Because the cast is arbitrarily clever and stupid depending on the needs of the , no one suspects that Dean Munsch is trying to ruin Chanel’s chance at winning the trip until the end of the show when Hester reveals the truth.

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Speaking of Hester, apparently she’s getting bored and murderous doing nothing while hiding out with the Chanels, so Chanel finds a spot for her at the hospital: diagnosing and curing incurable diseases, aka, the patient of the week. In this case, the patient identifies as a vampire and suffers from a disease that has similar properties but also drinks blood because he’s a freak. So Hester’s solution is aversion therapy, filling up the patient with blood until he stops craving it. And using up way too much of the stash in the process. It’s gross and weird and creepy but since Chad and the FBI agent have passed, she’s the best part of the show. Especially since she’s really good at fast talking without baby lisping, a talent lost on Emma Roberts.

Chanel’s contaminated blood has put her out of the running for the contest, much to Nurse Hoeffel’s dismay because she wants her to suffer for the contest. There’s a slow motion dragged out catfight between Jamie Lee Curtis and Emma Roberts that is pretty cute and would have been amusing if it had been a little shorter.

The blood drive has also inspired Zayday’s plan to suss out the baby in the belly via blood-type via an elaborate plan and with the help of Chamberlain the fake candy striper that has cleared himself of wrongdoing by offering his blood type.

Since Chanel has been disqualified, she tries drawing blood from the pledges and stealing from a mobile donation truck in order to win. She does, because Nurse Hoeffel wants her to, but foils Hoeffel’s evil plan by demanding the cash equivalency of the prize, which means getting to go wherever she wants, not Hoeffel’s torturous island adventure. Meanwhile, Nurse Hoeffel has teamed up with the Green Meanie and discovered that it is Dr. Cassidy. But Dr. Cassidy reveals that he’s not the only Green Meanie roaming the halls and is responsible for only some of the deaths that have occurred.

This means that there’s still an unknown Green Meanie on the loose but Cassidy and Hoeffel kill the patient of the week together, even as Cassidy has switched his blood with Dr. Brock’s in order to deflect attention away from himself as the baby in the belly from the original Halloween massacre and the person most likely to want revenge on the hospital.

And of course, there’s a lot of blood and screaming and jokes about how fast the swamp is filling up with medical waste. Hester had hinted that she might reveal the killer by Thanksgiving, but that didn’t happen which means that I’m forced to sit through the rest of the season to find out who the unknown Green Meanie is. It really could be anyone—including Chamberlain because the show has a way of revising history to make it convenient to the current goings-on.
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Season 2, Episode 6 (S02E06)
Scream Queens airs Tuesday at 9PM on FOX

Read all of our reviews of Scream Queens here.  
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Carly is a freelance writer that watches too much TV while she writes blogs and articles about lifestyle including , food, fashion, beauty, home decor, entertainment, health, fitness and wellness and green living.
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