In a rare off episode, YOU’RE THE WORST spends its entire running time focused on two minor characters, Paul and Vernon, as the two become stranded in the wilderness on their way home from buying a used bassinet for Vernon’s unborn daughter. It’s ambitious and admirable that the show wants to flesh out these two supporting players, who’ve mainly been used for comedic relief, but I’m not sure people were really clamoring for this to happen. Their problems—they’re both in unhappy marriages and are overwhelmed by their impending fatherhoods—are so banal and commonplace and they’re both so obviously miserable, it just wasn’t an enjoyable half hour.
The episode opens with Vernon delivering a monologue on happiness. We blame people who are close to us for our misery instead of looking at ourselves. He’s talking to a man he’s trying to buy the bassinet from, as ever since he lost a ton of money engaging in financial S&M, Becca won’t let him spend more than $25 on anything and forces him to haggle in all transactions. Bassinet acquired, Vernon and Paul begin driving home. Vernon doesn’t want to return to his awful wife, but Paul’s on the clock. Raul will be at his house at 7, and he doesn’t want Lindsay to cheat on him without him there. It’s so sad.
But their car dies. They’re forced to go into the wilderness to look for water—Vernon’s mouth tastes weird from all the seventh layer dip flavored sunflower seeds he was eating and from spitting on ants. They find the creek, but can’t find their way back, so they decide to bunker down for the night. All this misfortunate wasn’t a mere accident, however. Paul discovers from a gas station receipt that Vernon filled his car with diesel, purposefully sabotaging it so they couldn’t go home.
The two fight, with Vernon finally pointing out to Paul that yes, Lindsay obviously stabbed him on purpose. They roast and eat a squirrel and talk about their respective miserable lives. Becca makes Vernon wear full pajamas so their skin doesn’t touch. Lindsay orders take out for one (a real dick move when you’re living with someone) and forces Paul to pay for any food he takes, even though it’s on his credit card. Becca held Vernon’s head in the toilet for a minute after he forget to flush (WTF?! That one’s abusive) and Paul admits that Lindsay is cuckolding him.
The two decide to go run off to Mexico. Vernon can remove bullets from cartel members on the DL and Paul can be their accountant. They’re both clearly miserable and if they learned anything from Jimmy’s dad dying, it’s that miserable fathers mess up their offspring. It’s probably best for the babies if they just aren’t around. To celebrate their newly reclaimed manhood, they masturbate into the fire. I’m sorry, but watching the disgusting faces guys make before they orgasm is more gross than funny.
They hear an animal sound and take off running, falling down a hill. Laying there in the dirt, with his wound newly reopened, Paul decides that he can’t go to Mexico. He wants to be a father and can’t give up that opportunity. How much do you guys want to bet that Lindsay got that abortion this week? That’s something she would do. Vernon respects that, but still decides to leave, asking some helpful strangers for a ride to San Diego when they finally get back to their car the next morning.
He changes his mind when he sees that someone stole the bassinet. His paternal instincts kick in and he decides to go back to Becca. The two begin to drive home. What this episode mainly did was bring up the fact that both Becca and Lindsay are horrible partners. It’s not fair to only blame the women, as Vernon and Paul aren’t that great either, but it really highlighted the fact that these people shouldn’t be married to each other. Please, please let these couples get divorced. In the twisted world of You’re the Worst, that would count as a happy ending.
Season 3, Episode 9 (S03E09)
You’re The Worst airs Wednesdays at 10PM on FXX
Jennifer Trofa | Contributor