YOU’RE THE WORST returned for its third season last night with a darkly funny episode that serves as a nice catch-up for old viewers and a great introduction for new ones. Last season ended with Gretchen telling Jimmy that she loves him in response to his drunk declaration. On the surface, that may seem like a small step, as they’re already living together, but for these two characters, it was huge. This season opens with Gretchen and Jimmy having sex—they’re so in sync that they orgasm at the same time. She heads off to shower, casually tossing a “love you” his way, which makes him freak out. He doesn’t remember saying it and doesn’t believe it should count, as he was drunk.
Gretchen takes Jimmy to a bar, in hopes that if he gets drunk, he’ll say it again. But he’s distracted by the fact that he learned earlier that day that Gretchen doesn’t typically wash her legs while taking a shower. What else doesn’t he know about her? In typical Jimmy fashion, he tells her that the unknowable is terrifying and that’s why humanity exists—to shine a light on the frightening dark that surrounds us. Gretchen gives him a list of facts about her and it’s pretty great: she dated two of the Baldwin brothers, competed in the U.S. Teen Nationals for showjumping, did ink work for a professional counterfeiter for 10 months, has never eaten blueberry (they look like doll eyes), can’t do a cartwheel, and an owl tried to kill her at Bible camp. But she’s not religious; she considers herself to be generally spiritual, like everyone else I know in Los Angeles.
Gretchen talks to Lindsay about this while Sam, Shitstain, and HoneyNutz plan a secret reunion show to officially end their beef. They want absolutely no press, but a full house, just like Young Thug and Sufjan Stevens achieved for the opening of their broth restaurant. Sam, who’s consistently great in this show, tells Gretchen that saying “I love you” is supposed to be “romantic and/or highly sexual”. Poor HoneyNutz says he’s never loved anyone, because he’s never felt worthy of love in return. Sam also tells her that men show that they love someone through their actions, not their words.
Gretchen realizes that Jimmy has been showing that he loves her. He’s never been interested in learning more about her before, but the whole day he’s been asking questions. Jimmy’s scared to actually say the words, as he thinks it constitutes an unbreakable promise. He describes what they’re doing as “madness—willingly living with a wild animal, but one with thumbs who can steal your money and hurt you emotionally.” Gretchen tells him that if saying “I love you” is a promise, it’s just a promise to try real hard. The only way she can stomach any of this is by knowing that she can bail at any time. The two say “I love you”. It’s definitely progress in their relationship, but it’s a very small step.
Meanwhile, Edgar has been trying to hide the fact that his new PTSD medication is giving him erectile dysfunction by going down on Dorothy for extended periods of time, but when she grows bored and asks for sex, he tells her the truth. She tells him that he could take another pill to fix this problem, but he angrily responds that “I can’t keep taking more pills and more pills and more pills.” It’s a real, raw, emotional moment. They try to take Jimmy’s advice to kink his penis back into working order, but for a professional improviser, Dorothy’s role-playing attempts were awful. Dorothy tells Edgar that she loves him no matter what, so he decides to flush his medication down the toilet. Maybe he thinks that Dorothy’s love is all he needs to stay sane, but this can’t possibly be a good idea.
Sam and the boys are shocked to see that their idea of doing no press for a secret show resulted in exactly zero people showing up. When they said no press, they meant no press for regular people. They were expecting media people, influencers, and Bradley Cooper. Sam angrily demands that Gretchen find bodies and tries to hype the show on Snapchat, promising HELLA SHRIMP to those who show up. Gretchen goes across the street to a Hispanic church, where she, in perfect Spanish, tells the parishioners if they go to the show, she’ll give them $30 in cash and all the seafood they can eat. They need to be out of the church at midnight anyways, as Pharrell is doing a sneaker pop-up, so they come. Seeing Sam, Shitstain, and HoneyNutz perform their new song, which involved shouting “I deserve to be blown before the Jacuzzi”, in front of a confused group of Mexican churchgoers was definitely the comedic highlight of the episode.
The boys want to perform “New Phone Who Dis?” but Lindsay is nowhere to be found. In what came as a surprise to me, she actually decided to keep the baby and is trying to make things work with Paul. Paul gave away all his nerd stuff as he doesn’t want to live a separate life from Lindsay, but his vision of their future involves cooking meals from a food delivery service while listening to bird calls. Lindsay tries to play along, helping him cook while wearing matching aprons, but when he gleefully tells her that since they have meals planned for the next six months, there’ll be no more surprises in their lives, she slowly begins to freak, culminating her stabbing him in the side with a kitchen knife. Let me repeat that again: this episode ends with Lindsay stabbing Paul. I absolutely cannot wait to see how this plays out.
Season 3, Episode 1 (S03E01)
You’re The Worst airs Wednesdays at 10PM on FXX
Jennifer Trofa | Contributor