SCREAM QUEENS Review: “Warts and All”

This week’s episode of SCREAM QUEENS opened up where the last one left off, Little Miss Sunshine Chanel is still screaming but the FBI is on the scene to prove another governmental agency’s incompetence. There’s no trace of the Green Meanie and while werewolf girl’s head is still rolling around, her body is missing. Dean Munsch is still being shifty and says that she was around to hear the screams because her wifi is out and the other Chanels show up to berate poor Little Miss Chanel for ruining their dates with the hot doctors. I’m getting kind of tired of the whole hating on Little Miss Chanel theme, it’s just boring at this point. The ladies need somebody else to pick on for a change.

There is a few humorous lines that result from the deadpan scene, but overall the takeaway that Little Miss Chanel made everything up and killed werewolf girl herself and created a “made up story that’s not that scary,” isn’t all that riveting.

What is riveting is that Colton Hayes is the new case of the week and has neurofibromatosis type 1, which means that he looks like he’s “wrapped in infected bubble wrap.” I’m enjoying having a case of the week guest star to look forward to in the midst of all the snark that goes for dialogue. I’ll never understand why each character isn’t better developed and that they have to use name calling to tell us which ones are attractive and which ones are nasty and mean—they all seem pretty equally hot and mean to me.

Basically, the formula for season 2 thus far looks to be to have the Green Meanie being the overall bad guy and intrigue for the season as he slays the patient of the week while the cast comes together. Also in the works are little secrets being revealed, like the mystery of Dr. Brock’s hand, amongst others and likely more will come in future episodes.

Out on a movie date with a disturbingly older John Stamos, Chanel goes off about her magical powers to make fat people eat more food as though it’s the leading cause of obesity, his hand grabs a boob, which she actually enjoys because Scream Queens keeps you on your toes with what is acceptable and what isn’t acceptable behavior according to which is funnier rather than any basis in reality. It’s really more annoying than funny. But it is nice to finally see a Chanel not wearing eye-scarring pink.

Meanwhile, we discover that her imaginary boyfriend dumped Little Miss Sunshine Chanel in high school, which leads to a romantic connection with wart boy—who can be restored to his former hotness with the help of a laser that the hospital doesn’t have. Her romance is obviously doomed for two reasons: the other Chanels enjoy taunting her, and also, her new beau is the patient of the week, which has already proved to be deadly.

Chanel’s first love, Chad Radwell is back in as bad taste as ever, making his appearance as The Red Devil from season one and terrifying the object of his affection. He’s returned because his buddy has developed “Jumping Frenchmen of Maine disease,” which involves a lot of screaming and is apparently a reaction to shooting Liz Cheney during the face during a hunting party because she’s awful. It’s a funny scene and a great rare disease to mock, but it’s still a little rough to hear jokes about gun violence in the current climate—even against old white ladies with dubious political beliefs.

Our candy striper has a thing for Zayday, so he’s set up a microfiche machine in the basement which details a Halloween massacre at the hospital in 1986, which helps put together the whole Green Meanine mystery.

Kirstie Alley shows up asking questions about the Chanels and she’s also interested in Dean Munsch because we see her bugging the dean’s office at a later date. Kirstie is definitely one of the best part’s of the show as she seems to be reveling her in her weird return to TV.

Another returning cast member is Niecy Nash, now with the FBI and dropping Quantico all over the place like it’s her job. Despite her appearance on the show, we do find out some new things without her help:

• Brock’s hand was the donation from a serial killer that killed 600 of his squash opponent and was a fully body donor before being put to death—hence it’s proclivity to squeeze too tightly and write out gourmet last meal plans.
• Dean Munsch doesn’t actually care about resolving the healthcare crisis at all, she just has some rare disease that she wants cured. Zayday’s research reveals the dean contracted kuru while on a book tour in New Guinea and accidentally partook in a cannibalistic feast.
• Lea Michele is buried in a loony basement and seems to know all about the Green Meanie, but she wants a room with a view and a bunch of discontinued luxury beauty products. I forgot how adorable she is when playing crazy, so it was nice to see her back and at her best. It’ll be nice when the team caves to her demands and we see more of her.

And in conclusion, the Green Meanie manages to hijack wart boy’s surgery before the Chanels can put his evil scheme together, so the beautiful Colton Hayes is around no more and Little Miss Sunshine Chanel is back to being hysterical.

It’s business as usual on Scream Queens, with everyone having a generally unpleasant personality; it’s hard to know whom to root for.

Season 2, Episode 2 (S02E02)
Scream Queens airs Tuesdays at 9PM on FOX

Read all of our reviews of Scream Queens here. 
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Carly is a freelance writer that watches too much TV while she writes blogs and articles about lifestyle including travel, food, fashion, beauty, home decor, entertainment, health, fitness and wellness and green living.
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Carly Zinderman | Contributor